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I saw an ad for a company called Try Cleaning with the slogan “If You Haven’t Tried Try Cleaning Today.” Grammatically upsetting

when you’re getting the last dregs out of a bottle of whipped cream it comes out at a different framerate like it’s from into the spider-verse

if i suddenly had to do a podcast ad read for squarespace, like to resolve a hostage situation or something, i bet i could pull it off. just give me that offer code holmes

morrowind is good because there's an enemy that attacks you on sight UNLESS you use a calm spell or sneak up on him, in which case you can have a short conversation where he gives you a drink first

new type of guy: watches asmr videos at 2x speed

project idea: play and rank all of the wii shopping channel games that appear on the update day sketch from nirvana the band the show

Mass Effect spoilers 

The Reapers can mind control people, the Thorian can mind control people, the Leviathan can mind control people…not to mention the synthetic analogues, like the heretic geth virus that effectively mind controls the other geth. Or hell, the entire "control" ending. It's a lot! "They were mind-controlled into doing that" is not the most satisfying end to a character arc…

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I feel like Mass Effect could maybe lean a little bit less on mind control

I can think of three people I know who own this game off the top of my head and I saw when it was getting some press coverage, and I'm definitely guilty of extrapolating from those to "massive success." I should know better!

But also: y'all should try Mixolumia, it's good

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I'm replaying the Mass Effect trilogy and it seems I can only remember the broad strokes of a game with 10+ years' remove. I wonder if I could just continually replay old favorites and never get sick of them because my memory isn't good enough

it turns out that she was going to warn me that dogs like to chew up night guards for some reason so I should be careful about that

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one time I was at the dentist and the assistant asked—apropos of nothing—"you got a dog?" and I was afraid that somehow my mouth smelled like a dog owner's mouth even though the answer was no

i did not ingest even a minute of e3 coverage today and i don't know that i want to start now so maybe i'm just gonna declare gamer bankruptcy

excited for video game announcement season this year. been a little while

all that said: it is darkly hilarious that they have these signs up that literally say "we've still got it!"

and hey, maybe they do! it's not desolate—there were a lot of people in there. and they do still have, like, an apple store. maybe they can turn it around. but i can't help feeling like it's sustained a mortal wound. probably most malls are there right now eh

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this is all probably made worse because the nearby subway stop has been closed for construction for months now. you can get a shuttle bus there but it's slow.

anyway, i think malls are neat, despite everything, and i'll miss it

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they were already not doing so hot before the pandemic—they went from three stories down to two and started leasing office space on the top floor, and they lost one of their big anchor stores (sears). but now they've lost the other one (macy's) and are shedding regular stores too (even a starbucks!). at one spot there were three vacant stores in a row

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went to my local mall yesterday for the first time in a year and a half and i'm sorry to report that i don't think things are going well over there

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