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throwing a gender reseal party for my kid (sealing their gender behind magical wards to prevent it from escaping and terrorizing the villagers)

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It's only a murder of crows if there's probable caws.

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okay yes i'm feeling this, mastodon can be my fairly-anonymous place to exorcise weird feels in poetry-adjacent ways :thaenkin: i feel like i can't talk to anyone about this stuff, so hello small gay internet, i'm having a regular struggle with some regular shit

she speaks so softly to other people... i am rough-edged and hard to handle with care

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"Tainted Love," but instead of those two strong chords punctuating it, there's a goose.

Sometimes I feel I've got to~
HONK HONK

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my mom: are you gay??
me, pulling out diagrams: to explain this I'm going to need to talk about parallel genders

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I'm sure all the actors and comedians and men in media whose whole persona is "he's SO NICE" are indeed very nice! I also cannot imagine any woman being able to have that be their ~~thing~~ since we're just expected to be nice to survive.

love too feel fucking broken for not being a physically affectionate person

Never thought we'd end up hearing so much about ghost cum but here we are πŸ˜‚

IT'S GETTING WORSE THIS IS SOME AXE BODY SPRAY LEVEL SHIT

The person who just sat down next to me in the theatre at has either doused themself in cologne or insect repellent :drake_dislike: folks, don't do this 🀒

brain so fuzzy from being "on" so much but I don't wanna miss anything at 😩😩😩

had a weed gummy before the Big Meetup Party and I'm a mega dumbass rn. I'm chill but I can't make conversation to save my life haha πŸ˜…

me anytime there is PDA around me: πŸ˜ΆπŸ˜“πŸ™ˆ

WHY AM I SUCH A CHILD ABOUT THIS

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I love that I have friends who show up in shirts that say "pee is stored in the balls" and "ultimate cum death" on them
---
RT @autotectonic@twitter.com
HELLO WE HERE πŸ’–πŸŒˆπŸ™Œβœ¨@kindadodgy
twitter.com/autotectonic/statu

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me: "I'm a service top but only for "

@kindadodgy@twitter.com: "would that make you a service industry top?"

@clarity_flowers@twitter.com: "I hate this"

got a mocha with a CBD shot in it, because cafΓ©s can just do that here? πŸ‘€

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