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Me: *Cracks knuckles* Ah, time to work on this collaborative document

Google Document: There's someone else editing me now. They're looking over your shoulder and judging everything you're doing. Why aren't you typing? Now you look bad because you're taking so long.

Me: *Closes browser window* It's a beautiful day out, would be a shame to miss it

theyhem boosted

the worst knowledge i was ever given is that the creator of young sheldon is also the none pizza left beef guy. it haunts me to know this

making finger guns at my dog's toys when they look like a shaft and two balls

I don't think of myself as a hero. (Is literally getting the dog's toys out from under the furniture)

spritzing my air plants so they feel included in the rainy weather

theyhem boosted

Just learned about the tag #lichenSubscribe, so good!
So here’s the ones I know, if you are into plants, fungi and symbioses of the two:
- #florespondence
- #mosstodon
- #sporespondence
- #lichenSubscribe
- I’ve used #veggiespondence for gardening before but not sure if that’s widely used

Any others?

theyhem boosted

putting me in charge of both my mental health and leisure time is a massive conflict of interest imho

JUST BEING EXTREMELY NORMAL ABOUT THE GAY PIRATE SHOW. NOTHING BUT CALM AND RATIONAL THOUGHTS HERE

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amab? afab??? nah mate i’m ahab. where the FUCK is that whale

theyhem boosted

@hellyeahgrackles If you haven't shitposted in a long time, you might need some laughsatives to get things moving 😜

theyhem boosted

Overheard:

"The opposite of round robin is, of course, flat batman"

theyhem boosted

Woah-oh here she comes
Watch out pork, she'll chew you up
Woah-oh here she comes
She's Ham Eater (Ham Eater)

theyhem boosted

who called them crypto-scammers instead of ape-pics predators.

when a dog runs up the stairs but their legs move faster than their brain and just kind of flop everywhere 😩🤌

theyhem boosted

mastodon has only one celebrity and it’s 

BEEN ONE WEEK SINCE YOU LOOKED AT ME

theyhem boosted

Tips for new folks 

Content warnings and image captions are an important part of fedi culture. Both features promote inclusivity in their own way, and should be used liberally! You may find people are reluctant to boost otherwise good posts that lack one or both of these features.

"Politics", mentions of violence or other triggering subjects, spoilers, long posts, and plenty of other things greatly benefit from a content warning and keep fedi safer for more people.

love to be in that weird nexus of loneliness where I only want to reach out to people who are wildly inconsistent with their affections lmaooo

theyhem boosted

honestly razer and skullcandy have the right idea when it comes to designing electronics. I don't want my headphones to have a "fine" or "sleek" aesthetic. I want RGB LEDs and garish color options tyvm. I want you to inject neon purple directly into my veins

feeling weird and melancholic... could my dysphoria and burnout learn 2 take a day off pls, i'm trying to substitute garlic bread for joie de vivre over here

theyhem boosted

throwing a gender reseal party for my kid (sealing their gender behind magical wards to prevent it from escaping and terrorizing the villagers)

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